Sometimes i get so frustrated within the islamic community. I can't seem to find a niche or group of people that i have a lot in common with. Either they are too modern and not religious enough or they are too religious and not modern enough. I have tried but I seriously have a hard time making friends with Muslims. I've joined email groups in an effort to find some but for the most part, I have nothing in common with most of them. When i converted to Islam, my goal was to be as close to Allah as possible and to find the heart in religion. Most of the people i know can spew out rules and rulings and hadith and all of this is important but what happened to their soul? What about seeking nearness to Him. That is my goal. This weekend I was basically told that playing soccer, hiking, etc is not for "seriously practicing Muslimah's". It bothered me a lot that someone would make a blanket statement like that and in such an arrogant manner as though know exactly what Allah wants and doesn't want. It's been this way since i converted. Women i meet always telling me what i should or shouldn't be doing. My biggest struggle is with total submission to God. That is what i am seeking. That must come first in my heart i feel. I get so sick of this stuff though. I know much of it is an effort to help, but what it does is push me away and make me feel even more alone and gives me the feeling that i will never have a group of Muslimah's to hang out with. I look at the men in the deen and how much fun they have with their friends. Why can't it be that way with us women?
Okay, now that this is off my chest, good news of the weekend. We found the perfect house for us and get this! A little lake is our backyard. It's just perfect, peaceful, and perfect for us. I hope we can get it.